Category Archives: Humor

Only Following Orders

By lex, on November 22nd, 2010

Over at JeffG’s place, Darleen Click has assembled the latest in the federal government’s efforts to get Lex’s air taxi business moving a series of TSA outrages. It seems like the last of a once proud people nurtured on notions of rugged individualism and liberty are declining to go down without a fight against paternalistic government intrusions into that most private of personal spaces.

We’ll have to start educating them younger.

OnlyFollowingOrders

Fundamentally, this is nothing more than national security theater. TSA knows, or should know, who are the most likely candidates to be security threats. They will not more closely scrutinize those candidates because it would lead to PC charges of “profiling.” Thus, to prevent any individual groups’ feelings from being hurt, we must all be subjected to blanket indignities: It’s only fair.

And no, you may not videotape the actions of your security apparatus at work in a public place.

Who do you think you are, anyway?

 

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Naff Off

By lex, on November 21st, 2010

Yobs are street hoodlums, UK style. And like street hoodlums everywhere, they are not knocking about in their anti-social little way whilst on holidays from Oxbridge. They are doing, in other words, about the best that they can.

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Dachshunds

By lex, on November 16th, 2010

Charmingly loyal, great companions, fiercely territorial. Dumb as a box of rocks.

Dachshunds

This is the fifth time the little bugger has gotten skunked in the back yard. You’d think he’d have figured it out by now.

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One Team, One Scream

By lex, on September 29th, 2010

Two very different living conditions:

“Being in the Army and working on an Air Force post really opened our eyes,” Army Sgt. Nicholas Hub wrote on a Stars and Stripes survey, one of nearly 2,000 completed in August by troops in Iraq.

“Why can they live and eat so good compared to us? Every piece of equipment and every service they have is better! The Army needs to feed, shelter and supply like the Air Force does,” wrote Hub, 23, of Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 101st Aviation Regiment at Kirkuk Air Base in northern Iraq.

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Wisdom of the Ages

By lex, on September 29th, 2010

Or maybe a bit of a smile, anyway, courtesy of occasional reader dwas:

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist, the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?

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Tailhooker’s Prayer

By lex, on September 22nd, 2010

(Ed – An oldie but goodie)

In the Beginning, God created the heavens, and the Aircraft Carrier, and the seas upon which to float it; and yet there was complete Darkness upon the face of the earth. And, as we traveled there came to us, as a voice out of the darkness, an angel of the Lord, saying, “On centerline, on Glideslope, three quarters of a mile, call the ball.” I reflected upon these words, for I was still yet engulfed in complete darkness. With deep feeling and doubt overwhelming my countenance, I glanceth towards my companion at my right hand and saith, “What seeth thou, trusted friend?” And there was a great silence.

Gazing in a searching manner and seeing naught, I raised my voice saying, “Clara…”

And the Lord spoke to me, and He said, “You’re low…power.” As the Lord saith, so shall it be, and I added power; and lo, the ball riseth up onto the bottom of the mirror. But it was a tainted red glow, and surely indicateth Satan’s own influence. And the Lord spoke to me again saying, “Power..Power…Power!!!! …fly the ball.” And lo, the ball had risen up and off the top of the lens, and the great darkness was upon me.

And the voice of the Angel came to me again, saying, “When comfortable, twelve hundred feet, turn downwind.” Whereupon I wandered in the darkness, without direction, for surely the ship’s radar was beset by demons, and there was great confusion cast upon CATCC, and there was a great silence in which there was no comfort to be found. Even my TACAN needle spinneth…and lo, there was chaos; my trusted companion weepeth quietly unto himself and from close behind I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth of our flock. There was a great turmoil within my cockpit for a multitude of serpents had crept therein.

And though we wandered, as if by Providence I found myself within that Holy Corridor, and at twelve hundred feet, among my brethren seeking refuge; and the voice of the Angel of the Lord came to me again, asking of me my needles, and I raised my voice saying, “Up and centered,” and the voice answered, “Roger, fly your needles…”

I reflected upon these words, and I raised my voice in prayer, for though my gyro indicateth it not so, surely my aircraft hath been turned upside down. Verily, as Beelzebub surely wrestled with me, a voice, that of my trusted companion, saith to me calmly, “Friend…fly thy needles, and find comfort in the Lord.” And lo, with deep trembling in my heart, I did, and He guideth me to centered glideslope and centerline, though I know not how it came to be.

And out of the great darkness, the Lord spoke to me again saying, “Roger ball” for now I had faith. And though the ball began to rise at the in close position, my right hand was full of the Spirit, and it squeeketh off power and as in a great miracle my plane stoppeth upon the flight deck, for it hath caught the four wire which the Lord in his infinite wisdom hath placed thirty feet further down the flight deck than the three wire.

And thus bathed in a golden radiance from above, our pilgrimage was at an end, and my spirit was truly reborn. And as I basked in the rapture, the Lord spaketh to me one final time, and He saith, “Lights on deck…”

 

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Parenting for Pilots

By lex, on July 17th, 2010

Sent along by an occasional reader –

Some of you may have wondered how I disciplined my children to turn out so well. Most people nowadays think  it improper to discipline children, so I  tried other methods to  control my kids when they  had one of ‘those  moments.’

Since I’m a pilot, one that I have found  very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight in the  plane during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to  reflect on his or her behavior.

I don’t know whether it’s the steady vibration from the  engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games,  computer, iPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually  calmed down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe  that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in  achieving the desired results.

I’ve included a  photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use  the technique.  It also works well in  cars.

ParentingForPilots

 

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