Category Archives: Humor

Sounds About Right

By lex, on January 21st, 2009

It was late at night as the Pope, who had departed this world, was approaching the gates of heaven. There was no one around, but there was a small shack just prior to the gates with a light on. The Pope stepped into the shack and startled a young man half asleep sitting at a small gray desk.

“Excuse me” said the Pope, “but I’m supposed to check in here with St. Peter, but there is no one at the gate.”

“Yea, Yea” said the young man, “Where are your orders?”

“I don’t have any orders,” said the Pope.

“Well it’s too late to check in tonight anyhow.” said the young man, “Just go around to the back of the building, find a rack and dump your gear in a locker. St. Peter will be here in the morning and you can check in then.”

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SITREP

By lex, on December 11th, 2008

TINS: Back in the days when real fighter pilots flew F-8′s, and their preferred weapon was the cannon, there was an airwing commander who fancied himself quite the critic of airmanship. While in overhead holding he espied a Crusader jock whose pattern work was not quite the thing.

As the F-8 pilot turned his go-fast for to land, CAG spoke up on Tower Freq: “Crusader off the 180, you were too wide abeam.”

To which our intrepid airman replied, in the best traditions of the service: “Bite my a**.”

In response to which the CAG replied, “I fully intend to.”

A short but exciting conversation ensued on the flight deck, in consequence of which the saucy jock was flown off the line, back to the P.I. for to cool his heels until such time as he could remember his manners.

The next day an Alpha Strike to a heavily defended target was briefed to the assembled throng. A daylight strike it was, and the chart showed a dense thicket of pins representing Triple-A tubes and SAM sites. The Intel Guy finished his pitch to a suddenly introspective strike package with the words, “It’s going to be hot work today. Sucks to be you. Any comments or questions?”

An F-8 pilot spoke up, asking, “Is there still time to tell CAG to bite our a**es?”

That’s what it took to get bounced off the line, during the Vietnam War. These days?

 

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Couldn’t wait for his raisins

By lex, on April 16th, 2008

This sort of thing is bad for social harmony:

Tehran’s police chief, who was reportedly discovered in a brothel, has been arrested, it has been confirmed.

Local media have reported that General Reza Zarei was found with six naked women in a house of prostitution in the Iranian capital last month.

He has been taken to jail while his case is investigated, a spokesman for Iran’s judiciary said.

Gen Zarei was in charge of enforcing Iran’s strict anti-vice laws, which include a ban on prostitution.

Prolly doing research. Just getting ready to swoop.

 

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No time for love, Dr. Jones

By lex, on January 12th, 2008

It’ll be a light day for posting at these our humble digs today, as your correspondent is scheduled to slip the surly bonds not once but four times, in the carriage of passengers (for hire) while simulating air combat. In preparation for which he had been required and desired to provide a sample to the local drug testing facility earlier in the week. On the off chance that he might gamble a twenty-six year retirement check on the chance to toke on a blunt. After all these years of clean, clear-eyed sobriety.

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Friday Musings (January 11, 2008)

By lex, on January 11th, 2008

Shakespeare’s was a good time last night, thanks for asking. Chris was there first, himself going to TLAM schul at Point Loma and on his way to being the XO of an Arleigh Burke-class DDG, good man himself. Next up was Curtis, an activated reservist in the local area with whom your humble scribe occasionally corresponds, more often through the email pipe than otherwise. Finally there was Rusty, herself a retired naval officer lo these few years, and completing a doctoral dissertation on complexity and sea stories. It makes sense when you hear her talk about it.

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Things to be grateful for of a Sunday morning

By lex, on May 27th, 2007

The fact that an EMT technician was available at the Del Mar Show Park this weekend.

ThingsToBeGrateful1

The even more improbable fact that his services remained uncalled for. And that people tell your correspondent that, no, really – he looks fine in gray hair. Really.

ThingsToBeGrateful2

And a new entry in the “Name that Occasional Reader Contest” – I believe we’re up to three now.

ThingsToBeGrateful3

The year is 1980.

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Service etiquette

By lex, on April 23rd, 2007

Mine was the third class at the US Naval Academy to admit female students as midshipmen, which perhaps explains why we were the first not to be subjected to the long-lived and infamous tradition of the “Tea Fight” at Dahlgren Hall. Dahlgren was the on-campus hockey rink that doubled (off season) as a kind of dance hall and social headquarters. A good account of Tea Fight tradition can be found at the class history entry for the USNA class of 1968:

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