Category Archives: Funny Stuff

I find it disconcerting…

By lex, on March 27th, 2006

That when you’ve come back from your morning run, and are taking a shower in the facilities provided, the water pressure from the shower head decreases when someone using the same facilities set for other reasons, em: Flushes.

I know, I shouldn’t be disconcerted: Fresh water, all the way ’round. There’s only so much of it. More required over here means less to be had over there. But still.

It doesn’t seem right.

When I was a midshipman, we went one summer to Quantico, Virginia, where Marine officers are tenderly brought to full flower in a process roughly analogous to the face-hugger/chest buster phenomenon made so popular in the “Alien” movie trilogy.

In the student barracks, not only did the cold water cut out entirely whenever someone in the western hemisphere “sent the army home,” the hot water, as though waiting for just such an opportunity, jetted out with vicious abandon. Strangely enough, in the instant just before the boiling water leapt out to wreak its savageries upon your exposed flesh, it was preceded by a tiny slug of cold water. In time, we mids came to understand what this was: All a part of the Marine Officer training program. A combat reactions course, if you will. The price of unbroiled skin was eternal vigilance.

And quick reflexes.

There’s no real point to all this. Just small stuff.

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Note to self – a fragment from the Tailhook 2007 Convention exegesis

By lex, on September 8th, 2007

No. No you are not 23 anymore. And yes, that is your boss. Now get down off that table and hand me back the lampshade.

Update: Putz.

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In defense of theism

Posted by Lex on August 21, 2006

 

Anyone who doesn’t believe in the existence of a sentient God, an all-powerful being who cares deeply about the difference between right and wrong, who has both a memory suitable to the maintenance of long-running grudges and a sense of humor tending towards the ironic – anyone who can reject all of these things, despite all the evidence to the contrary:

Has never been a 40-ish father, raising a teenaged daughter, in southern California.

I’m just saying.

Karma, man. That wheel just keeps on turning.

 

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Another way that cats are not like dogs

By lex, on April 25th, 2007

Is that a dog, no matter how abused and mistreated, would not hide in the darkness under your bed like a blackhearted thief in the night, waiting for your alarm clock to go off at 0615, and then, just as you blearily reach out from under the warm and enclosing embrace of the covers to silence the aforementioned alarm, leap up with malice aforethought to bite and scratch at the proximal/medial axis of your exposed triceps. Before dashing away to the door only to pause and look back at you with that “you’ve been PWNED!!!” expression.

The freak.

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Actionable Medical Advice

By Lex, on June 25, 2010

 

Got this one via the email pipe:

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (I just turned sixty-something.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’

He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?’  ‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’

Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?’  I said, ‘Not much…my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’ ‘No, I don’t,’ I said.

He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’ ‘No,’ I said…

He looked at me and said.’Then, why do you even give a sh!t?

Barbancourt, anyone?

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Friday Musings  02/18/2005

By Lex, on Fri – February 18, 2005

 

Bottled water, just now. It’s still early, and anyway I had a beer (Guinness, if you must know – for strength ! * ) with lunch today.

How and why that came to be will be yours to discover once you have clicked “read more” below.

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I have received a proposal!

By Lex, on Thu – April 8, 2004

From Jules! (shhh! It’s strictly confidential!)

 

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.

Attn: Director/CEO, (or Neptunus Lex)

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don’t know me personally. I am Mr. Julius Maneti, the first son of Late Patrick Maneti, who was murdered recently in a land dispute in Zimbabwe. I got your contact through an internet trade journal here in Italy (ah, that explains it!) and I decided to contact you as a matter of fact. I did not know your person but I relied on faith to see me through. (Faith moves all things.) Before the death of my father, he had deposited the sum of US$20.5Million (Twenty Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars), in one of the private security companies in Johannesburg, as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe.

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