You Know You’re in the Af When…

By lex, on January 16th, 2010

From occasional reader Kevin:


  1. You flinched from a controlled detonation your first week, then stand in the open to watch real mortars landing– a month later.


  1. The most intimate contact you’ve had in months is with the shower curtain.


  1. Your most successful pick-​​up line is “I’ve got a vehicle.”


  1. In PT gear all the Air Force people look like glow-​​in-​​the-​​dark Power Rangers and you can’t even see the Army Folks.


  1. Your 06:00 wake-​​up call is: BOOM “ROCKET ATTACK – ROCKET ATTACK. Take cover immediately.”


  1. They actually give weapons to the Air Force personnel.


  1. You give directions using T-​​Wall & bunker murals as points of reference.


  1. You realize AAFES is their own country and can print their own money. (POGS)


  1. The amount of sand in your boots is only surpassed by the amount in your nose.


  1. Something as simple as taking a shower or going to the bathroom at 02:00 requires preparation equal to the Apollo moon landing.


  1. The Texas-​​style brisket is not from Texas, is not brisket, and has no style.


  1. You are watching a “chick-flick” with 300 guys with machine guns.


  1. Your internet connection is twice as slow as your old dial-​​up connection back home.


  1. You are lying under your bed in your PPE writing to your spouse, “No, nothing exciting happened today,” and you mean it.


  1. You can buy a Guitar Heroes Game from the on post AAFES, but paper towels are nowhere to be found.


  1. You live in a gated community, but your home is still a Container.


  1. You are caught driving way over the speed limit and you were only going 12 MPH.


  1. During Alarm Red someone jumps out of the bunker to tell you to get your hands out of your pockets.


  1. Your idea of a night on the town is going to another DFAC or another PX.


  1. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but you still wouldn’t want to be on that side of the fence.


  1. Dusting the furniture has a whole new meaning.


  1. “Pimp my Ride” means putting doors on your Hummer or painting your Gator tires gold.


  1. U2 is hitting the charts again.


  1. The local community holds fireworks displays every night in your honor.
  2. Driving over the curb seems totally natural.


  1. The outcome of the war hinges on how you wear your reflective belt.


  1. You see a guy in full battle rattle driving a Humvee trying not to spill his latte.


  1. It feels normal to dry your hands at the DFAC with toilet paper.


  1. Your idea of a clear day is when you can see the perimeter of the base from where you are.


  1. The dust on the dashboard of your vehicle is an inch think, but you don’t even notice it.


  1. You don’t even notice T-​​walls anymore.


  1. Cold water from the shower is only possible after Oct.1.


  1. Getting your laundry back from the contractor is a big deal.


  1. A 105-​​degree day in the summer actually feels cool.


  1. You don’t even notice an F-16 taking off anymore.


  1. You don’t stop what you’re doing anymore when you hear automatic gun fire coming from the perimeter.


  1. You used to think that F-16’s, doing afterburner take-off, were cool. Now it just pisses you off.


  1. Without even looking outside, you know that the weather sucks because you weren’t woken up all night from the roar of the F-16’s.


  1. The weather forecast includes “a chance of smoke.” (Lt. Col. Downie)


  1. That $2 DVD you are watching was just released in theaters yesterday and it comes complete with silhouetted heads and Arabic subtitles.


  1. You see people wearing their extreme cold weather gear when the temperature drops into the 60s.


  1. The day you arrived in country, you were disappointed that not one member of the opposite sex in your unit was even remotely attractive. One month later, you’re trying to figure out where all these hotties came from and then you realize they are all in your unit.


  1. You get excited about drinking your two allotted beers while watching the Super Bowl in the middle of the night, and the beers give you a buzz.


  1. You only know what day it is by seeing what is on the menu at the DFAC.


  1. You wear flip-​​flops while you are showering.


  1. The man dressed in the Santa suit is carrying an M16 and wearing body armor and a helmet


  1. You see Navy Seabees in the desert – the opposite place the navy SHOULD BE !


  1. You find yourself humming along to the Haji radio station as it’s the only thing on the radio in the vehicle.


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1 Comment

Filed under Afghanistan, Best of Neptunus Lex, by lex, Carroll "Lex" LeFon, Carroll LeFon, Humor

One response to “You Know You’re in the Af When…

  1. Pingback: Index – The Rest of Neptunus Lex | The Lexicans

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