The Chief

By lex, on February 10th, 2009

It’s all marketing. Mostly.

The Chief doesn’t sleep with a night-light. The Chief isn’t afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the Chief.

The Chief’s tears can cure cancer.

The Chief once visited The Virgin Islands.  They are now simply called The Islands.

The Chief has counted to infinity . . . twice!

The Chief frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.

Superman owns a pair of Chief pajamas.

The Chief has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself.

If the Chief is late, then time had damn well better slow down.

The Chief actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

The Chief refers to himself in the fourth person.

The Chief can divide by zero.

If the Chief ever calls your house, be in!

The Chief doesn’t leave messages; he leaves warnings.

The Chief can slam a revolving door.

The Chief was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the Chief.

When the Chief exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Bullets dodge the Chief.

The Chief once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. . . once.

The first solar eclipse took place after the Chief challenged the sun to a staring contest. The sun blinked first.

The Real Chief never used a question mark in his entire life.  He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.

Real Chiefs think Ensigns should be seen and not heard, and never, ever be allowed to read books on leadership.

Real Chiefs do not have any civilian clothes.

Real Chiefs have CPO Association Cards from their last 5 commands.

Real Chiefs do not remember any time they weren’t Chiefs.

Real Chiefs favorite national holiday is CPO Initiation.

Real Chiefs keep four sets of dress khaki uniforms in the closet in hopes they will come back.

Real Chiefs favorite food is shipboard SOS for breakfast.

Real Chiefs don’t know how to tell civilian time.

Real Chiefs call each other ‘Chief.’

Real Chiefs’ greatest fear is signing for property book items.

Real Chiefs dream in Navy blue and gold, white, haze Gray and occasionally khaki.

Real Chiefs have served on ships that are now war memorials or tourist attractions.

Real Chiefs get tears in their eyes when the Chief dies in the movie ‘Operation Pacific.’

Real Chiefs don’t like Certified Navy Twill. Wash Khaki is the only thing to make a uniform out of.

Real Chiefs can find their way to the CPO Club blindfolded, on 15 different Navy Bases.

Real Chiefs have pictures of ships in their wallets.

Real Chiefs do not own any pens that do not have ‘Property of U.S. Government’ on them.

Real Chiefs do not get the mandatory flu shots.

Real Chiefs do not order supplies, they swap for them. (Amen, brother)(or Cumshaw, as it’s known)

Real Chiefs favorite quote is from the movie Ben Hur, ‘We keep you alive to serve this ship.’

Real Chiefs think excessive modesty is their only fault.

Real Chiefs hate to write evaluations, except for their own.

Real Chiefs turn in a 4 page brag sheet for their evaluation.

Real Chiefs’ last ship was always better.

Real Chiefs know that the black tar in their coffee cup makes the coffee taste better.

Real Chiefs idea of heaven: Three good PO1′s and a Division Officer who does what he is told.

Real Chiefs think John Wayne would have made a good Chief, if he had not gone soft and made Marine movies.

Real Chiefs use the term ‘Good Training’ to describe any unpleasant task such as scraping the sides of the ship or having to sleep on your seabag in the parking lot because there was no room in the barracks.

Back To The Secondary Index


Filed under Best of Neptunus Lex, by lex, Carroll "Lex" LeFon, Carroll LeFon, Funny Stuff, Humor

2 responses to “The Chief

  1. Pingback: Index – The Rest of Neptunus Lex | The Lexicans

  2. Pingback: Neptunus Lex: Humorous Navy Stories | The Lexicans

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