I have received a proposal!

By Lex, on Thu – April 8, 2004

From Jules! (shhh! It’s strictly confidential!)

 

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.

Attn: Director/CEO, (or Neptunus Lex)

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don’t know me personally. I am Mr. Julius Maneti, the first son of Late Patrick Maneti, who was murdered recently in a land dispute in Zimbabwe. I got your contact through an internet trade journal here in Italy (ah, that explains it!) and I decided to contact you as a matter of fact. I did not know your person but I relied on faith to see me through. (Faith moves all things.) Before the death of my father, he had deposited the sum of US$20.5Million (Twenty Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars), in one of the private security companies in Johannesburg, as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe.

This money was deposited in a box as valuable items to avoid much demurrage (dontcha just hate demurrage? I know I do.) from the security company.This fund was meant for the purchase of new machinery and agro-chemicals for the new farms in Swaziland. (Right, the new farms. In Swaziland. Forgot about those.)

This land problem came when our President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act “Modi Operadus” reform which wholly affected the rich white farmers and some black farmers as well. A lot of people were killed because of this land reformed “Act” which my late father was one of the victims. (And which was written in English as a second language.)

Based on this, my family were scattered. I am staying here in Italy as a refugee while my mother and my younger sisters are staying in South Africa as refugees. We decided to contact you to assist us in transferring this money to your country for investment. The monetary/investment Law of South Africa and Italy prohibt refugees (assylum seekers) (thanks for the clarification) to run bank accounts or be involved in any business transaction/investment. It is on this (?) that we contacted you hoping that you will assist us with the name of God (can’t help you there, my book doesn’t actually mention it, explicitly).

As the only son, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine and an honest person (but could only find me) who will assist us in transferring this fund out of South Africa without the knowledge of my country (Zimbabwe) government who are bent on taking everything that my late father had after confiscating all his farm lands and investment in Zimbabwe. (and this is not a run-on sentence, so just put that straight out of your head) We are left with nothing here. (where, exactly? Italy or South Africa? Or is it Zimbabwe?)

For your kind assistance my Mother and I are offering you (wait for it!) 20% of the fund after the successful transfer of the fund to your account. 5% will be set aside for any expenses that might result in the process of this transaction, while the remaining 75% will be for my family which will be used for investment in your country under your direction as we don’t know anything about investment. (Well, there is this bridge I know of…)

Contact me with this e-mail (so he can verify a good spambox) if this proposal is of interest to you, while I implore you to maintain absolute confidentiality required in this transaction. (You can count on me!)

 

Yours truly,

 

Mr. Jules Maneti (Wait: I thought your name was Julius?)

 

———————–

 

So, gee. What do you think I should do?

 

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Filed under Best of Neptunus Lex, by lex, Carroll "Lex" LeFon, Carroll LeFon, Funny Stuff, Humor, Lex

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