By Lex, On March 5, 2007
I have just spent the last two and one-half hours – the work is not yet complete – navigating the administrative wickets necessary to go on travel to a foreign country.
Step 0: Receive guidance from AT Officer that Navy Knowledge Online training is required for Level 1 AT accomplishment. Step 1: Go to Navy Knowledge Online (NKO) for the first time in nine months to take the Level 1 Anti-Terrorism course. Step 2: Drum fingers on desk for several minutes trying to remember NKO login and password. Step 3: Hope that subject data has been filed in the appropriately encrypted memo page on PDA. Step 4: Realize that while “hope is not a strategy” it nevertheless works. Sometimes. Step 5: Take course. Sample questions:
“You are driving from the airport to your hotel and realize that you are being followed. Do you, A) Stop at the light, step out of your car and ask the person following if there’s a good restaurant in the area that serves halal falafel? B) Step out of your car at the light and demand to see some ID – after all, you are in the Navy! C) Accelerate through the light, travel to dimly lit side streets in the most dismal part of town, ditch your vehicle on a curb and try to hide in an abandoned warehouse? or, C) None of the above
Answer: Incorrect! You chose ‘C – None of the above.’ The correct answer was ‘D, – None of the above.’ “
Step 6: Complete course, hit “Submit.” Wait for 10 minutes as final screen fails to load. Sigh aloud. Hit “Control-alt-delete,” End Process.
Step 15: Having completed the JFC Level 1 AT course, navigate through the minefield of creating a COMPACFLEET “Individual Force Protection Plan.” Step16-19: At various steps along the way, when the screen freezes, hit “Refresh” in the hope that you won’t be sent back to the login screen. Step 20: Realize that hope will only get you so far in this world, son. Step 21: Complete survey form, admit that you are probably more trained in AT techniquest than you had been when you woke up this morning. Search – once more in vain – for any text box to tell the webmaster what you really think of his online course. But they are clever people, those webmasters.
Step 21: Relax, you’re done! Having successfully burned nearly three hours – this post was started during steps 16-19 – you are now ready for your trip to Vancouver, Canada.
This was the future I had hoped for!