Our brave new world

By Lex, On March 5, 2007

 

I have just spent the last two and one-half hours – the work is not yet complete – navigating the administrative wickets necessary to go on travel to a foreign country.

Step 0: Receive guidance from AT Officer that Navy Knowledge Online training is required for Level 1 AT accomplishment. Step 1: Go to Navy Knowledge Online (NKO) for the first time in nine months to take the Level 1 Anti-Terrorism course. Step 2: Drum fingers on desk for several minutes trying to remember NKO login and password. Step 3: Hope that subject data has been filed in the appropriately encrypted memo page on PDA. Step 4: Realize that while “hope is not a strategy” it nevertheless works. Sometimes. Step 5: Take course. Sample questions:

“You are driving from the airport to your hotel and realize that you are being followed. Do you, A) Stop at the light, step out of your car and ask the person following if there’s a good restaurant in the area that serves halal falafel? B) Step out of your car at the light and demand to see some ID – after all, you are in the Navy! C) Accelerate through the light, travel to dimly lit side streets in the most dismal part of town, ditch your vehicle on a curb and try to hide in an abandoned warehouse? or, C) None of the above

Answer: Incorrect! You chose ‘C – None of the above.’ The correct answer was ‘D, – None of the above.’ “

Step 6: Complete course, hit “Submit.” Wait for 10 minutes as final screen fails to load. Sigh aloud. Hit “Control-alt-delete,” End Process.

Step 7: Read accompanying instructions entitled “Read before taking course!” and including such obvious steps as turning Javascript off in the “Advanced” options tab, but enabling it under Microsoft VM. Delete cookies. Step 8: Comply with pre-course requirements. Re-boot computer. It’s an NCMI machine, so, yeah: Do lunch. You’ve got time. Step 9: Re-take test – ”You have passed!” (Yaayy!) Step 10: Search vainly for course completion certificate required as proof that you took the AT course. Your word, of course, being useless. Step 11: Telephone AT Officer, learn that the NKO site doesn’t issue a certificate, but that you can get one by doing the Joint Forces Command Level 1 AT training. On line. Step 12: Add AT Officer’s name to “People to Kill” list. Step 13: Take JFC Level 1 AT Course. Step 14: Observe that, “My these questions look familiar.”

Step 15: Having completed the JFC Level 1 AT course, navigate through the minefield of creating a COMPACFLEET “Individual Force Protection Plan.” Step16-19: At various steps along the way, when the screen freezes, hit “Refresh” in the hope that you won’t be sent back to the login screen. Step 20: Realize that hope will only get you so far in this world, son. Step 21: Complete survey form, admit that you are probably more trained in AT techniquest than you had been when you woke up this morning. Search – once more in vain – for any text box to tell the webmaster what you really think of his online course. But they are clever people, those webmasters.

Step 21: Relax, you’re done! Having successfully burned nearly three hours – this post was started during steps 16-19 – you are now ready for your trip to Vancouver, Canada.

This was the future I had hoped for!

 

Back To The Index 

 

 

1 Comment

Filed under Best of Neptunus Lex, by lex, Carroll "Lex" LeFon, Carroll LeFon, Humor, Lex, Travel

One response to “Our brave new world

  1. Pingback: Index – The Rest of Neptunus Lex | The Lexicans

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s