By lex, on October 18th, 2011
The country has been plunged into a constitutional crisis, as Americans woke up today to learn that the Teleprompter of the United States of America (TOTUS) has been kidnapped.
It is being held in an undisclosed location:
A van containing President Obama’s teleprompter and podium were stolen from a Virginia hotel parking lot on Monday, NBC12 in Richmond reports.
The truck was parked at the Virginia Center Commons Courtyard Marriott near Richmond before the president’s scheduled Wednesday appearance in Chesterfield, the Richmond station reports. In addition to the teleprompter, $200,000 worth of audio equipment and presidential seals mounted on Obama’s podium were inside the stolen vehicle.
NBC12 reports the truck was recovered on Monday at 12:30 p.m. at a Holiday Inn Express near the Richmond airport.
While this act has all the markings of a professional job, the kidnappers’ ransom demands have not been made clear. The recovery of the truck near the Richmond airport has led some investigators to believe that TOTUS may have already been spirited out of the country, perhaps even to Madison, Wisconsin.
I ask my fellow citizens to join me in a moment of prayer for the safety of TOTUS, remembering that only by remaining united will we get through these dark days together. I also call on the agents of our federal government to not give in to these despicable agents of mayhem. I ask them to hold fast and not give in, however long the struggle, however great the cost.
Or else the terrorists win.