Airplanes and women


By lex, on February 15th, 2006

The indispensable B2 sends this along:

Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women:

1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly – a woman takes her time.
2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
3) Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a “touch and go.”
4) Airplanes don’t object to a preflight inspection.
5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.
9) Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you’ve flown before.
10) Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
11) Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes.
12) Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.
13) Airplanes expect to be tied down.
14) Airplanes don’t comment on your piloting skills.
15) Airplanes don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
16) However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it’s usually not good.

Don’t blame me! I’m only a messenger.

Update: FBL, who’s on a bit of a hiatus, demands equal time. Which by the way, is another thing an airplane won’t do

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

What’s the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
Because they’re all pigs.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you’re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.


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Filed under Best of Neptunus Lex, by lex, Humor

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