Just Not Worth It

Ok, here’s a brand-new “sea story” for y’all, told to me by Lex’s wife, Mary.
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So Mary is in the crowd at a welcome home event as the squadron returns from deployment. She’s standing next to several “fan girls” – the sort who show up to these events in order to swoon over the flight-suited hunks who are apparently oozing testosterone in such mass quantities as to make hordes of young women lose their minds completely.

Mary really doesn’t “get” the whole fan girl thing and asks one young lady why she likes the pilots so much. “Because they’re so handsome in their flight suits!” comes the enraptured reply.

Mary points to one of a group of approaching pilots and says, “See that one right there? I think his name is Lex…that’s what it says on his flight suit, right?” When the girl nods in the affirmative, Mary cups her hands and shouts, “Hey Lex!” to draw his attention. As Lex turns to see who’s calling him, she makes the universal “c’mere” gesture with her finger.

When he gets close enough, Mary reaches up, grabs him by the front of his flight suit, pulls him in, and plants a big ‘ol 3-second lipsmacker on him.

She then pushes him away, turns to the astonished girl next to her and says with a shrug, “Eh. He’s just not worth it.”

Lex bellows, “WHAT? Not worth it?!?!” grabs *her* and plants another, longer kiss on her lips.

“Well, now what do you think?” says he.
“Definitely worth it.”

The fan girls around her are slack-jawed. One pipes up, “Can I try that?”
“Touch him and you die,” Mary says with a low growl.

“You drive me crazy*,” he tells her, shaking his head, as he walks away to join his bemused companions.
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*This song, by the Fine Young Cannibals, was always said to be “their song.”

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